SandBox Comments: Aspen Daily News "How’s that soap taste, son?"

As far as we're concerned, the fav columnist toss is between Danforth, Sturm, Nitze, Advice Goddess and Lorenzo Semple.

For this week, Semple wins.  (Read the whole thing..)

"Growing up in a small town like Aspen is cool because you know all the cops. Sure, we ran from them (still do), and got in trouble all the time, but I can’t recall ever being compelled to swear at a cop. Not to mention there’s way more creative ways to get under a policeman’s skin — verbally that is. See me in my office — Highlands Bowl — for a detailed list. All of them will work against your favor, guaranteed.

Swear words, phrases and such are fabric of our language and pop culture, but they also are like spices in the food we eat — too much can leave a bad taste in your mouth. Not to mention cussing shows a lack of intellect. That’s probably why I curse so much. It’s because you just can’t come up with another word. It makes you sound stupid. Regardless, it’s all protected free speech. The line of legalese becomes more blurry when these words are used with the intent of causing a violent reaction.

But when done right, a four-letter word can sound romantic, renegade, jubilant, contrarian and altogether appropriate. The comedian George Carlin was famous for his “Seven Dirtiest Words” skit. It’s a real knee-slapper. For some reason I’m particularly impressed when elderly people swear; toddlers and women too. Swearing in songs can pack a punch also, when done right. There’s a song by the Sex Pistols called “Bodies” that’s a good example of this. I always respected the stubborn artists who wouldn’t alter the lyrics of their songs for more exposure on the radio.  

The “F bomb” is one of the most versatile words in the English language. It can be used as a noun, a verb, an adjective, an adverb, an exclamation and a question. “Scarface” taught me that back in high school. I remember seeing the “F bomb” scratched on a bathroom stall in the Yellow Brick lower elementary school. It stood perfectly on its own, probably because the kid who put it there was actually incapable of writing anything else.

Thanks to our Constitution, these words are protected. Freedom of speech and thought are the foundation blocks of America. Try telling that to my grandmother. She was more interested in cleansing bad words from my mouth at an early age. I was in first grade at the time when I decided to push the envelope a little bit and try out a word in front of her. The word is totally innocuous — so much so that I can write it here now, even in a highly conservative publication such as this. The word in question: Kaka. It means poop, doo-doo, dookie, number two. I said that word in front of her while playing with plastic army men in the courtyard behind her apartment. It was a huge mistake.

She grabbed me by the arm and yanked me into the air, dragged me right into the kitchen and washed my mouth out with Ivory soap.."
(Lorenzo Semple)

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