SandBoxBlogs: Aspen Daily News "Cash cow"

Lorenzo Semple:
"Our town heritage is deeply rooted in blowing things up, particularly from the mining days of yore. The sound of explosions has an oddly soothing effect on me — among other things it reminds me that it’s a powder day. The sound of a loud explosion also reminds me of my troubled youth, blowing up just about anything imaginable.

Boys are fascinated with explosives. It’s an almost primordial instinct to blow things up. My oldest sister had this incredibly annoying collection of plastic horses that were among her most prized possessions. I was always tempted to blow them up. If I found one now I still might. If you’re a guy and you don’t like to blow things up, check your pulse.

Growing up here, the wild West End was a testing ground for our various explosives: M-80s, Molotov cocktails, bottle rockets, match-head bombs, spice jars filled with black powder with a sparkler rammed into them, and French quarter-sticks of dynamite. It’s a miracle I still have all my fingers. Some local kids made a deadly pipe bomb that almost killed an innocent bystander — a half-mile away.

I’ve been real tempted to skin up to Conundrum (not so) Hot Springs and take a look at the cow situation up there — it’s what all the locals are talking about lately. Even the national media has gotten a hold of this story.

As far as we can tell from news reports, there are several dead cows stuck inside the old cabin up at Conundrum. The quandary is what to do with them. It wouldn’t surprise me one bit if someone trapped them in the cabin intentionally with the sole intent and purpose of blowing them up.

Some want to dig a hole and bury the cows, with dignity. I heard there’s someone on the local force that digs a mean hole, maybe they could help? An environmentalist recommended sprinkling pheromones on them and letting the pine beetles devour the carcasses. Someone suggested a predator drone strike, raining hellfire missiles onto the already grotesque cabin scene.

Another freak suggested hiring a few Colombian coke dealers — as in the movie “Scarface” — and sending them up there with chainsaws to get the job done. No can do, I say. Way too macabre, and it clearly violates the stringent USFS Wilderness Area rules — Section 7, Article 12: No Colombian coke dealers with chainsaws allowed in the backcountry..."  (Read more?  Click title)
 
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